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Happy National Day friends… Or, should I say.. Merdeka~!!

er-hum…
Negaraku…. tanah tumpahnya darahku… (and the song goes on…)

Hehe… This year’s merdeka for me is seemingly unusual. how should I say it? well, this year, I’m in Perth! and Perth don’t celebrate merdeka day. everyone just continues their daily work, eating daily food and cracking daily nut jokes. What about Malaysia? I heard it’s going to be a parade in Kuching (my hometown…)! Sigh… I really wonder sometimes, why do I miss all the great events in Kuching all the time. remembered during last year… or probably last last year’s merdeka day, I’d go out with friends. I knwo that it’ll be traffic jam though… But jsut want to feel the excitement in the middle of city, and also to feel the crowd…. Crazy eh? Hehe… Well, eventually, that’s the time when no one is really angry of traffic jam, but instead… feeling exciting and happy about it. Hehehe… Oh… how I missed it now… Well, i believe I can still catch it next time when I get back. Or… if anyone of you are good enough… can tape it, record it and send it to me~~ I’ll really appreciate it (dream on gal…)!

Although I’m currently having a week free. But, it doesn’t really seems to be a weekfree for me though. there is not much difference between all other ordinary days. Somemore, there are no exception for international students on their respective national day. sad huh? but that’s the truth… Sigh… cruelty…

Anyways, those of you still in Kuching or Miri, get up! Don’t just sit there and read my blog… Go out there and join the fun! Feel the crowd! Hehehe…

Anyways, gonna get back to work now. Adi-ous!

- Waiting for the world to fall -

I’m afraid it’s been too long to try to find the reasons why
I let my world close in around a smaller patch of fading sky
But now I’ve grown beyond the walls to where I’ve never been
And it’s still winter in my wonderland

I’m waiting for the world to fall
I’m waiting for the scene to change
I’m waiting when the colors come
I’m waiting to let my world come undone

I close my eyes and try to see the world unbroken underneath
The farther off and already it just might make the life I lead
A little more than make-believe when all my skies are painted blue
And the clouds don’t ever change the shape of who I am to You

I’m waiting for the world to fall
I’m waiting for the scene to change
I’m waiting when the colors come
I’m waiting to let my world come undone

When I catch the light of falling stars my view is changing me
My view is changing me

I’m waiting…

Words from the author:

*Particularly I like this song because it just remind me that… all of the things that we have now… are just temporary. Torned hearts, sinful wounds, and unforgetable scars… will vanish. For He is the only one that filled my colourless world with amazing paints and gracious colours. He is the one that clear off my rainny days and painted me a clear blue sky. I thank You Father…

To be honest, I have eventually been spiritually down previously. Especially during the times when I am doing my last semester. I have lost my intention to spend some quality time with God, nor do I want to look through the daily bread. Because of work, because of homework, because of relationships, because of so many commitments in unnecessary things, I’ve cut through the Lord’s heart one by one, pieces by pieces. But He had never forget about me, nor forsake me. I struggled. I said to the Lord, "Lord, let me be… I’m not worth for all the grace u have for me, let me be…". I panic, I struggled hard, I’m confused. Lost my path, not sure of where am I going, unable to define myself.

Never did He forsake me, nor He let me be. He was with me all the time when I struggled, when sadness overflows me, when I cried, He was there. When I said "Let me be," He pour even more of His love unto me. He said, "I love you," He guide me through my struggles, my sadness and all my sorrow days. step by step, He walk closely hand in hand with me. Until I regains my strength, re-focus my path.

Thank You Lord, for the grace.

Thank You LOrd, for the patients.

Thank You Lord, for the Love You gave in me.

Although things are not perfect;

Because of trials or pain;

Continue in thanksgiving;

Do not begin to blame;

Even when the times are hard;

Fierce winds are bound to blow;

God is forever able;

Hold on to what you know;

Imagine life without His love;

Joy would cease to be;

Keep thanking Him for all the things;

Love imparts to thee;

Move out of "Camp Complaining";

No weapon that is known;

On earth can yield the power;

Praise can do alone;

Quit looking at the future;

Redeem the time at hand;

Start everyday with worship;

To "Thank" is a command;

Until we see Him coming;

Victorious in the sky;

We’ll run the race with gratitude;

Xalting God most high;

Yes, there’ll be good times and yes some will be bad, but…

Zion waits in glory… where no one is ever sad!!!

My boss always told me that, if there is an end of something, there are always a beginnging for another. Sometimes I really wonder that it’s true. An end of a journey, continues to a brand new journey. Restarting a new thought, new schedule, new taste, new circle of friends or maybe even a new life. Create the sky of my own. I use to think that, as we continue to dream, we can make our dreams into reality. saying is so easy by then, but working it out… it used up more effort than I ever thought. Confronting difficulties and challenges continuously. Somtimes, they don’t just come one by one, but a whole crap at a time. misseries…

One of friend use to cry over all her misseries. Things I thought I’d understand. but when all these happens in me, I lost all my courage. Now that I taste the bitterness, I now know why tears sheds so easily. Living in a world where nothing is under your control, not even yourself. Feeling so helpless, so insecure, having to worry about it even during my sleeps, no predictions of what’s going to come next. Having not a single clue of what steps should I take next in confronting this problem, I can now, only wait. I prayed to God. Seeking for His guidance. Need Him to tell me and guide me what should I do…

Create the sky of my own, is it only my dream or do I really have the effort to make it reality?