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have you ever felt the sense that, you are being ride at the top, bullied, and YET! you cant say anything, but… to let the incident go, forget it, and move on. this week, i clearly admit that, its the bluest week for me… Cant understand why, trying to search for a reason, was it me? or was it them? it has got to be either one. OR, we just cant click. Friend circling around, asking me what happened the last week. i dont quite know how to explain. it might be minor to some of you, might be major…

"last week, or should i say few days ago… apart from my usual busy-ness, i realise that, my food has been thrown away, consumed, without my consent, nor informing me. i tried to keep it down… there is no point to querrel about minor little food things. the worst is yet to come… he apparently break my portable external hard disk (his wife has borrowed it from me), without saying a single sorry, or mentioned about any compensation to me. i cant understnad… such a mature person, but yet, dun read the word sorry or take up his responsibilities. he said nothing, and just returned the hard disk to me. i was dissappointed, nothing to say, went back to my room and try to save my hard disk… was too late… i’ve lost it… 2am in the morning, i have no one to talk to about this harrible incident, i lay on my bed, try not to think about it, but, i cant resist tears coming out. i cried… having to be bullied for a long period of time, and kept quiet of it, and when the dissappointment overflows my mind, i cried.. i cant understnad, why people can be so irresponsible, and ‘rude’? i cried and cried… finally, i took up the guts, sms my aunt, she called. she was horrified of why am i crying so sadly.  i told her the whole incident while crying, she listened to me cried, calm me down, cheer me up, bring me back to my sense. i was glad she called. after i losted my mom, i tried hard to find a comfort zone that i can rely on.. someone to sincerely cares, really cares, and took concern of every little things that I have been through. and i found that not in friends, but in my aunts.
Half an hour later, a friend of mine called me. To my surprise, he sense that I was crying too. he asked me why, and what happened, i just didn really wanted to tell him. he continues to cheer me up without asking me any questions. am glad he called too.

The next day, similarly, no sorry was given on behalf of anyone, but a sacastic question is thrown to my face. she asked, "why your external hard disk so fragile one?" i said nothing, i felt that it would be a waste of my energy if i had querrel with them. at least, now i showed that I live a better life then them.

Now, i clearly drew a line between them and me. I dun want to have any interactions with them, nor do i want them to have any interactions with me. she tried to make things up with me, by renting some dvds for me, i rejected her. she try to put up soe jokes, i just look at her, and closed the door. did not want to smile, and yet, her jokes was not funny.

What should I do? nothing, i did nothing, there is nothing to be done. what has been broken is broken, and that’s it… their carelessness not just break my external hard disk, but as well, break our housemate’s harmonious relationship, and cracks into dissappointment. he was never the man of the house, he was nothing.

truth being told,
esther