>.

I had always like to race with the songs, trying to type the lyrics out. but it always seems that i had to rewind it to get the exact lyrics.. Haha.. oh~ how i wish i could rewind back my life, correct the things that I have done wrong, say the things that i have said wrong, and think of the things that I have thought wrong. im sure everyone wanted to rewind back at least to a little part. but on the other hand… i think it just doesn’t matter.. coz there is not anyone in this world whom are perfect. neither do i. all these small mistakes and crosses… its part of the imperfection beauty of my life. and i believe those are the things that shaped me today.

was watching a short chinese movie today, about a gal falls in love with a young lad. got pregnant, cant get married, coz they are only 18… (old chinese history..) but the gal had never told the young lad that she was ever pregnant with his child. Due to some reasons, the young lad had to leave the town.. he promised to come back soon. but one thing the young lad had not known was that.. the young lad’s best friend had liked the gal too. as the drama goes ups and down, the young lad’s best friend had at the end, sacrificed himself in carrying a fake name for that infant in her tummy, they got married. but when he young lad had come back home, and realised that his best friend is now his lover’s husband.. tragic.. the young lad had grown upsad, frustrated, dissappointed.. he picked up his spear and killed his best friend…

fairly sad ending… the years of 18 just passed in a glance. whatever that we did in the past, is what shaped us today. look beyond the unexpected and awaits for the best. i know i am due to make future mistakes, right decisions, but no matter what future upholds me… HERE I AM!

some of you guys might find me sad and moody at some point, but i guess that’s part of life isn’t it? everyone has to grieve for something sometimes. but dun let that grieve hold on too long. Coz the best had always holds last. that’s what God had promised. =)

Blessed,
Esther~

to be bothered… or not to be bothered.. o.O was thinking about for the past few nites… tiring.. exhausted.. frustrated of things not working out as i have wanted.. but on 2nd thought, that’s life isn’t it? theres nothing we can have is perfect. thats why we have the imperfection beauty. it is hard sometimes to do things u dun desired, but u just have to do it, for the sake of other people, for the sake of that relationship, for the sake of looking at the broader part of the picture. they might not understand why u did it, sometimes they might reason the stupidity of why did u do it, but… it doesn’t matter. rather than seeing loved ones suffering, i rather suffered it myself, pray to God to heal me inside. i know He would… somemore.. i know i can get it over with, i just needed sometime to know what and how i feel about certain issues. i reckon the hardest thing for me to do was to deny how i feel. simply by acknowledging it.. i know i can overcome it. So many things have been revolving around… brother’s coming, next semester is coming.. due dates is coming… promises on my career.. studies… friend-friend relationships… teamwork… HaiZzz..

took too much pressure on how people would view me if i do this, how people would say, if i do that.. it all just doesn’t matter anymore. coz i couldn’t care less, and wouldn’t be bothered anymore. Just want to go home, be with my loved ones… all issues that revolve while i am in perth… i just couldn’t care less anymore. =)