>.

partying now? OH i wish! hehe..
this experience of being oversea really opens my small and tiny eyes. seeing the different cultural behaviors among people, and to be honest, i find it really amusing. just like partying, if we were to organize a party in Asia, or more specifically malaysia, FOOD! is most likely be the main course. there are at least 3 types of meat, vegetables, seafood, drinks, and not forgetting CAKE! even in a party, it was always about hospitality. how highly made are the food, rated the class of the party. am i right? or at least, among where i came from. no wonder, there arent much partie happening around in malaysia. coz, once u had a party, it bleeds ur wallet to dry. so, its just better off, to simply "hang out". LOL

In australia, the only word that are best describe the partying mood is "DRUNK!" yes. getting drunk was the main course. its a party without food, but only hard rock music, dancing, alcohol, alcohol and alcohol. getting drunk and havin’ a good time, was the main course here i reckon. the ratio of food to alcohol are approximately….. 1: 10? LOL, or maybe more. there were more finger food rather than real meat tasting solid food. but never the less, it doesn cost less too. coz alcohol is EXPENSIVE! so, it renders no difference after all. haha…

partey time~ who’s comin?

this is a spiritual conciousness that i experience during a session in fellowship, and here to share it.

i feel as if im living in the forest.
with so many flowers, trees, sunlight,
but yet, i felt myself lost.

I saw there,
across the land, acorss the stream, up on the valley
somewhere different.
the mountain.

Can I really find God by going to the highest mountain?
By touching the sky, touching the clouds?
Can I really touch and reach to God?
Will You hear what I say?

I have lef myself into this valley,
occupied with forest, uncertainty, mist, fear, temptation.
There was no one to be blamed,
for I was the main reason.
I have brought myself into this missery.
How can I escape? come out of this valley?
Dear Lord, will You forgive me?
Will You hold me once again?

The road of the cross is really difficult,
Now that I fell, I felt hard to stand up once again.
Refusing God’s help once, I stumbled,
and stumbled and stumbled.
Dear Lord, Im really sorry, please dont forsake me.
I couldn blame no one but myself,
as I am the source of my fall.
Dear Lord, I am weak, and poor,
please strengthen me.
Bring me back to You.

I really pray that I could seek that warm hand once again.

Hm.. its 1.11am over here. couldnt put myself to bed, my bad, took a nap this ev’ning. dun worry, there are no special occasions today, just like to write some of my gratitude to those special people that brings the colours back to my life before i forget this experience.

Thanks yi… thanks for keeping me in prayer, thanks for being there to guide me through, pointing out my mistakes, my pride, poke through my proudness. i guess without you, i’d probably still couldnt figure out what’s wrong with me. thanks for always putting me as ur importance. love u lots! will give u a call someday.

daniel, what can i say, thanks for being there. the sharing of our "problems" (LOL) and the encouragement. i know that we had different problems of our own, but u had showed unfailing love that was long lost in "you know where". i guess thats what that is lack in fellowship over here… sigh… sad to say this.. but sincerely, thanks for being there. if it wasnt for what u said that day, probably i wouldnt be back on track. thanks for the constant "pushing" on friday nites to fellowship too. hahaha…

my dear juliet, i know u hadnt been friendstering for a very very long time, but still, would like to thank you for the encouragement that you gave me. you had been most sincered, and really slapping me back to reality on the right time, at the right place. and for cryin out loud, thanks for making me feeling bad. if you hadnt encourage me through that verse and made me felt bad, i’d probably still be the same girl downing in nowhere. angels are always around us. they are no different from u and me. for me, you are one of my angels. just that you dun realise it sometimes. hugz!

My dear lily, thanks amoi… hehe.. how would i forget about u. thanks for being there whenever i needed someone to talk to. thanks for the trust and cared you’d showed me regardless of the distance. to be honest, it is very less likely to find friends that could manage long distance friendship. promise, cross my heart, one day, we will see each other again, and the coke chicken that i promised u, and ur sayur mani that you promised me!

i dun want to be prejudice or anything, but i sincerely think, friends are surely good. but its not necessary to have many friends, but none that understands you. its just worth everything jsut to have those few ones that are sincerely close to you, speaks out their heart about you, and can heartily felt their care and love around.

it has been a long semester for me to rest the blog for this long.. there were ups on the hill top and down on the valley and most of all, lessons to learn spiritually, socially and mentally.

today, now, im going to pick up all the pieces through out the semester, and make it history! nah.. just joking. well, this semester has been a great experience for me, and to be honest, being the first time experiencing spiritual down from the inside. i was not keen in going to fellowship, nor does church. i cant really blame it on youth friends, becoz i have let it flow within me. but, i really did felt disgust and uncomfortable when im being treated as a burden for the fellowship friend whenever they are assigned to pick me up. Yes. i wouldnt deny it either, christians over here is really different from christians in malaysia, where you can really feel that sense of love around. things were.. radically diferent over here. i let it went over my head, and fell off to the valley.

i discovered my pride, my unexplained pride and proudness, uncontrolled anger, and annoying stubbornness… i was extremely sensitive towards the things people do around me, getting angry easily at minorly annoying things, and it had always been me, me, me and ME! until that day, i realise of my indescribed rebel, i was absolutely fustered. i went totally "OMG!" and what the f*** am i doing!? what am i thinking?! im crazy!

i tried to get help from anyone as possible, but there was none that is vissible, or, should i say, i wasnt really looking hard enough. i was not willing to tell this to anyone, not my friends, through they thought that im a freak, a bastard or anything, i really dun care. i know that there are some friends that are willing to lend me a hand, but i think there are just some things, that are not to share with the right friends. but thanks for being there anyway. it was like my right foot stuck in my left shoe. nothing was feeling right.

i was critically faving some financial difficulties at that time, as things were not looking good ahead. being dilemma, frustrated and confused with the things that are happening around, i felt lost, totally drowned in sin, cant breath on the right tempo, my mind was absolutely out of my physical control. i guess that was one big challenge that God has put me within, but i have just made things harder for myself.

eventually i did made an effort in telling to my aunt, and one of my close friend. i tried really hard to get back to Him, and THANK GOD! i did. i recap all the pieces of mistakes that i have made before, take a big leap and walk across, leave it behind. restart my life anew as before, when i had nothing.

i had to said no to my friends, and try to fix myself up before i say yes to anyone. huh.. this has been quite a long blog. and im getting pretty tire… hahaha..  tata~