>.

arh… today, i’d like to share some things that i have not really tell anyone about it yet. making an exception, i’d like to share this weird thing that has been bothering me. i truly understand the fact that humans are realistic creatures. when we see something good, we always want it for ourselves. or, when we see our friend has something that could favour us, or interest us, we will try anything to make it ours, or try to make them be "friend" with us really really close so that we can take further advantages on them. i suppose that is what we usually called as "greed". i will admit it, that everyone is greedy in one sense, and that includes me. but i will try my best, and i say it again, my upmost best to avoid hurting my friends through the acts of greed. its just not my way. i’d rather hurt them directly with how i felt rather than through greed. (sorry for those that i’ve literally hurted, im just a very straight forward person.)

probably this is not jsut one incident, but the accumulation of several incidents. making me lose faith in this friend of mine. when we were both located in westernised countries, we tend to have common thoughts about our surroundings, the issues that goes around, the solutions that we should undertake, and the stupid jokes taht are fairly acceptable. i guess that is when the seeds of trust starts to bloom, and grow.

just some how, when i discover that that friend of mine lied to me on a certain issue, it just breaks the wall of trust that we build. or probably the wall that I build. half of it i might say. refused to talk to that friend of mine, coz i think its a retard thing to do, talking to a bastard. so, i have not quite talk to that friend for a period of time. until i tot that i could forgive that friend of mine, and will not trust that bastard anymore. probably becoz i have no price of usage anymore, since that, that someone is no longer residing in a westernised country, so in terms of thinking, cultural changes will slightly effects.

haiz, but who knows more pain is to come. until recently that someone have heard of my minor succession on cerain issues, he started to talk to me again! what a miracle?! (hey… should i say more? you guys should have already got the picture.) yes, the feeling of floating on the air is good, the feeling of everyone congratulating u is good, the feeling of everyone tries their best to wax ur shoes are good, the feeling of having a friend that has a competitive advantage to us could be the best among everything else.

but i just got really tire of all these waxes stuffed up in my shoe. especially YOUR wax. (if you know who you are, or YOUR friends are telling you that I’m pointing my middle fingers at u) and then there were these hustles and bustles in between and i indirectly told that person off, and he’d never talked to me again. well, i’ve expected it. the point of me telling u off, is to tell u to F*CK OFF, becoz YOU make me sick! you will only stick around with people that are giving an advantage to u. continuously waxing other people’s shoe, dun you ever get tired?

the whole thing just made me feel as if i only have friends coz of my achievement but not becoz of we are friends. If you would like to know, friends are not for that purposes. probably and i say probably becoz u think u are older, so, u might tot that the way u do things is the correct way, or the ideal way. but let me tell u this. the world is changing! Ur method might not be the right one that suits everyone. at least i know, it doesnt suits me. i truly am so disappointed for what u have did. the lies u have told and the unnecessary things that u insist on doing it. after the 1st incident, i never really did trust u. even if i did, well, i lied. coz u were not worthwhile for me to be honest with. probably, and i say probably u are now a toy to me. the ones that i can throw away when i got bored of it. how’s that feel?

In the still of the night
As I gaze from my window
At the moon in its flight
My thoughts all stray to you

In the still of the night
All the world is in slumber
All the times without number
Darling when I say to you

Do you love me, as I love you
Are you my life to be, my dream come true
Or will this dream of mine fade out of sight
Like the moon growing dim, on the rim of the hill
In the chill, still, of the night

Like the moon growing dim, on the rim of the hill
In the chill, still, of the night

composer: cole porter

dun mistaken, i didn wrote this song, just copyrighted it from Cole Porter, a great american song composer. this is the song taht he wrote for his wife. despite the fact he engage into several unusual relationships, his wife continues to love him. It is until the very end, when his wife is due to leave him forever, he realises how deep he has fell in love for her. but not long after, she died, leaving him behind. The story eventually ended seeing porter singing with his life linda, as the nigth fades away.

felt really touched by this film, or should i say the story of cole porter. as it has always happen to us. its always i dun love u. but when u are about to loose something that is that important, u realises how much he or she means to us.

"Where were u when i needed ur help?" before i go on with my blog, would like to first wish all readers, Merry Christmas. =)

Today was quite leisure, didn do much contributions besides watching some movies, doing some listings, relaxing, and of coz blogging. I had just finished reading one of my friend’s blog, and totally felt for it. experiencing drastic changes from the ones i truly cared and at the end, would stabs me in the heart, really hurts. I really felt as if all my efforts of being caring and concern are just a waste. Even when the time i felt as if i should be giving up, i prayed to God again and again, to gain the strength to carry on, and not give up.

I would not deny it, within these few days, i really felt the changes from some of my friends. especially those that i have really known for a long time. I understands that, when we come to a new place, we will definitely hoped for a new life, new friends, new responsibilities. but have u really considered whether ur changes have effected anyone around u? i guess not…. if u have, those hurtful words would not have come out from your mouth. and please, i am also a human being like u. i am not a dummy or a dog. even if u are using nice words but with an unpleasure tone, I will know. when u needed help, u’d expected me to stand for u till the end. but think of this now, have u ever stand for me, when I needed ur help? no. i was like your second float, backup file, spare tyre and etc. u would only realise my existence when u needed something from me. if i had known better to see this coming, i’d rather i’d never come here at all. at least i could minimise the harm that u have did to me. But what else can i do? what is done, is i cannot undo it. the words that u have said, cannot be taken back. so, from now on, im formally announcing, i have deleted u in my friend list, hp, msn and soon after from my life. i dun care if u say that i am being a little too sensitive, or we have to move forward, i have made up my mind. you are out. =)

i wish u have a good life, and good luck.

Love,
Cartoon

Secondly, there has been one concept that i have realise ever since i came to Perth. But i have not known that it would really effects that much. There is an old saying that, far water cannot save near fire. it has been disappointing that when in times of need, we can call no one to rescue us, even we are just 2 steps away. there were all these unbelievable excuses, and dumb reasons. it slowly makes me realise that having such a long list of friends in msn or in the hp, are of no use either. coz no one will come to help me, coz they would rahter not be bothered. am i wrong? correct me if i were. so i got use to it too. i wont even want to reply to those that failed to replied me when i needed them. an eye for an eye.

what else could i say, its just human nature. have u changed? or have a changed? or have ur changes made me changed? i dont know.

Dear Lord, through out the test of faith that You have given me, I admited that I am afraid. I am afraid that I might not stand firm and strong in holding the promises that You have long given me. Please give me the opportunity to be courageous, and face all disappointments and fears in my life. In this test of faith, i have finally realise how important Your promises and the word "faith" really means. Not to deny it, i have been very very disappointed for the happenings within these few days. to friends around, family, and most of all, myself. I know the fact that things and human change as time flows, but i have never thought that while these things changes, it could hurt that much to the people aroudn us. I didn mean to say that all changes are not good, but sometimes these changes just makes things harder. At the same time drowns me into disappointments. Especially when we are encountering trouble, I now can really see friends flee to their own sanctuary, and leave you bleed to death. What hurts most is when the friends we have trusted most, let us down. What’s worst? the best they can do, was giving you a heartache when you’re having an actual heart attack.. Haiz.. Dear Lord, now i truly understands that men could sometimes disappoint us, but You have never did. It was You that keeps my hopes up to finally searched a suitable solution. Thank You for listenning to my prayers.