Archive for May, 2008

dumbo!!!

Thursday, May 29th, 2008

ok, i reckon blogging once a day is normal compared to those that blog twice a day (caren, LOL!) well, i guess there are just somethings that we really wanted to tell, but there is no way of how to start it out! u said, gals are complicated, well, GUYS are DUMB!!! why do u guys have to make us say everything out loud?! and plus, even when we say what we thought out loud, u still call us complicated! what is wrong with u?!?!?

ok, am i frustrated? YES! am i angry? no! am i annoyed? got use to it. all these because of what? YOU!!! of coz i am frustrated! u promised me the day before that we are going to hang out, and u just suddenly changed without telling me anything! i purposely took a day off just to spend more time with u! u know my intentions, but still! u pushed it away. how would u feel if i do the same to u?! and when i say im not going to get days off anymore to spend more time with u, u said its unfair! what the HELL!!!! do u wanttt!!!

Sigh! yes, rhys is a bit annoying… it was plainly a nice movie watching nite, and he just spoiled the mood away. how would anyone sleep well with an unpleasant mood? but at the end, we talked things out in the morning, and i know, eventhough how annoying he could be sometimes, he still loves me dearly.

so, after we had that long chat, woke up, clean up, made some macaronni cheese (yes, his favourite) and some garlic bread, watch some tv, and head off to uni. i reckon, it does not necessary have to be anywhere else that is fun, but as long as he is with me, i’m happy! =) *dumbo!!!*

wobbleage

a day to remember…

Wednesday, May 28th, 2008

28/05/08 definitely a day to remember.. is it good? no! we have caught a thief RED HANDED! *scary*!

as usual, woke up, catch a bus, went to work, went to Tandy’s to hang out, went to the bank to get more change, do a little bit of these, a little bit of that, everything was going really well. until! 3 teenagers, came around my shop, one of them distracted me to the front counter, pretending to ask a price of the 8gb flash drive. and suddenly, i just heard a loud ÖI! from John, and went totally shocked! and i realised that one of his friends try to sneak out one of my printers on the shelves. john went up to that boy, snatched the printer back, and said, what do u think u’re doing mate?! and he replied.. take it back man, take it back! and john grabbed his hand, look him in the eyes and said calmly to him, what do u think u’re doing? at the same time, the security ahmed came around pattrolling, and john called up to him and told him that the boy was trying to run my printer! ahmed caught him tight, they were struggling to the front counter, i was still in shock, john gave my printer back, and i pointed out to the kid that was talking to me and told ahmed that "He’s with him!"ahmed caught hold of them 2, but he manage to get away at the end, pushing ahmed at the same time, and trying to hit him. then other securities came by, put a hold on the boy that steal my printer in front of my shop! i called the police, and while waiting for the police to come, they have got some details of the kid. i was in shocked, scared, almost wanted to cry, and its a lucky thing alex came by, keep me company. i texted rhys, and he called back, i was literally in a messed, frightened, jsut totally went blank! after the police came, they arrested the boy, and alex took me out for my lunch break and bought me a chocolate pudding to cheer me up, thanks bees! the boy was constantly applogising to me, saying that how sorry he was, and how bad he felt, and jsut saying sorry the whole time. and i told ahmed, this is such a big embarrassment and disgrace… he agreed, but said that it is embarrassing to him of coz. but i told ahmed that i felt really ashamed and embarrassed, coz of the fact that he, is AN ASIAN! and i told him, ASIANS! will never steal! or if they do, we are the least percentage that steal! becoz in perth, it is always the aboriginals that steals! and he! jsut literally made a disgrace to our whole race! even Gary said it to one of his chinese customers, that why would an asian wanna steal, its just a disgrace! and his customer went out, looked at that boy, and came back and told Gary, he’s not asian at all. how frustrated and embarrassing it is, to hear ur own race denying u! and that boy told us the reason taht he steal, was trying to impress his friends, and wanted to hang out with him. me adn ahmed straightly called him a dickhead! brainless dickhead! or if not, he’s got rocks in his brain. if his friends were really friends, they would not encourage him to steal! and if he really wanted to be friends with them, he should have stopped them from stealing when they have the thoughts of doing such disgusting act! if his friend is gettin him into trouble for his own pleasure, does him even fit to called as a friend?! if u want something get some money to buy it, prove to people taht u are capable of getting things urself! thats what we called COOL! if u dun have any money, GET A JOB! EARN SOME MONEY! apparently alex was pretty impress of the work of a security, and asked if they need any specialties to get a job in the field of security. instantly i told alex, im proud of you man! he has literally set an example for the boy!

i just cant believe it that above everyone else, he has to be the one that steal the printers from me, and somemore! AN ASIAN! oh God.. haiz.. i was in trauma the whole day, nite, even after i went home… then after talking to rhys on teh phone, he cheered me up, and i do felt a little better after.

Ha… i just cant believe what has happened to my life constantly! as i told caren about the whole thing, i even asked her.. why! why! i want a sooth sailing life for at least 1 week, i’ll be happy! but why things just have to costantly pop up!! and all these shit just happens to me!!!!! whyyyyyy!!!!!! i know that good things and bad things happens in life just to give each other a balance.. but.. not all the time!!! haiz.. the one thing i could think of right now, is to hope that these will stopped for just one sec! and the boy are really sorry for what he did!

anyways, cheers for listenning, and before i go, i’d like to post a BIG BIG THANK YOU! to John, Gary, Alex, Ahmed, Sarah, Jo and rhys for being there for me. Thank you so much guys! especially John and Alex, thanks alot guys! im so glad i have u guys with me! =D

cheers
Esther

cheesecake cravation!

Sunday, May 25th, 2008

=.= exam in half an hour’s time, and im still blogging.. is this just a typical esther thing that i always do or is this paranoid… either ways, i dun really wanna know. all i can think of now, is sleep…

i tried to blog few times ago but its either i didn finish up the blog or something turned up at the wrong time. this week has been great, housemates were away for 10 days *YAY!!!* dun have to see them or the annoying vacumm at 6 in the morning for farking 10 whole days! how excited it is!! but at the same time, it really gives me the creeps as im home alone for 10 days… i know its great that i dun have to see them for that 10 whole days, but being home alone for that 10 days.. really is creepy.. realising that i have no one at home to talk to, have to keep the doors shut and lock and double checked locked, always have to be aware of any sound (and i mean just ANY!) noise that are coming from the neighbourhood, etc etc.. well, above all these, im glad that rhys came around to keep me company. at least i know i have someone to talk to, and im not alone! speaking about rhys, yes, he is doing fine. oh beans, i would now know what i’d do without you. *hugz!*

there are quite alot of things happening just these few days ago, struggling to breath in between the dissastrous work, studies, and just common living a life! 2 of my good friends just got dismissed from work, which really makes me sad. one of them was my best friend, and not to hide anything from it, i am emotionally influenced. things are not exactly simple as it seems. and to my surprise, i realised that i have let lose a little awareness as compared previously. now on, i have to keep a high level of awareness regardless to whom i am encountering. i am really tired..

Just then i cried to him about everything.. it has really been a while ever since i could cry to everyone emotionally. i do need a break. at least to calm myself down from all these dissasters. plus, with exam drawing so near, i would have to slap myself so hard to remind myself to study, and just forget about everything temporary. but in anyhow, everything has been really good throughout the whole week, as i know he is there when i needed him… =D

ps. the cheesecake turned out really well! i was happy about it, rhys enjoyed it, caren was angry about it, coz im making her fat. LOL!
felt really happy when i get to share the good things i have with those i love.

- beans -

I . L.O.V.E. U. =D

Saturday, May 24th, 2008

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u I LOVE U!

craving for salty food…

Friday, May 16th, 2008

these days have been good, nothing biggy happened lately, if there is anything as big, it’d probably be me dropping the glass door TWICE! in a week! ACCIDENTALLY! well, it wasnt much of a big deal though, shouldn blame me for the accident, i blame Jo and Ben! XD (HAHA!) apparently they are the ones that are always complaining that i am not doing any work in that little box, should do some cleaning… the shelves are FILTHY!!! LOOK AT THE DUST!!! ah… SHIKES! so i did a little bit of cleaning here and there, wipe the shelves, mirror and BANG! there goes the glass door.. and the only thing that sarah could say was, ‘omg you crazy gal, what have u done!…’ and funnily, i replied her, ‘cleaning… =.=’ with a blank look… i was very very shocked! and surprised that the glass door didn break! i seriously thought that if that glass door break, i would have gotten my arse kicked so bad that i’d cry in front of the customers. but it didnt LOL… well then, after that incident, i swear.. im never going to open that damn door again! NEVER!!! NO JO! N-E-V-E-R!!! NEVER!!!

last nite was good working at gelare. hadn got much customers, but it wasn that quiet either. i reckon itd probably be the weather that is causing so much of a waffle feeding rush hour… KC screwed up the drinks, jou screwed some of the orders up (LOL!!!) rhys and trav came visit =D too bad caren wasnt there… =( gave rhys a whole big bottle of honey drink that i made, hope that it’ll make him feel better =) i know that he felt warmth that there is someone caring for him, but he still felt that sense of pai seh coz he thinks that its troubling me.. well, its not! apart from being his gf, taking care of each other is what important. plus.. i didn want him to be the one taking care of me all the time when i was sick, let things turn the other way round is good sometimes. so, finished work at around 1030, didn have to do closing (YAY!), came back home at around 11 (geezzzz……), listening to KC shitting about shits around, took a bath, rhys called, talked a while (awe…. =D *hugz!*), then caren called while i was half asleep, talked for more, then straightly dozed off. this morning, woke up, thought about rhys a while, then thought about all sucky things that happened in the past, im really glad that i have him. it’s this things about gals that we can never get rid off.. we think too much! seriously! dun u agree with me caren? or anyone else? just then, i was still thinking, am i a boring gf? im actually not much of a fan of doing something extaordinary or exciting everyday, or wanted myself to get shocked everyday of my own acts. at the moment, i just hope that life would go on smoothly, not entirely smooth, i’d probably need to kick some stones away, but really hoped that life just goes on with no biggy at all.. i reckon i just had too much waves previously, to the extent that i wish i was never esther. filled up with too many tears, anger, shattered hearts, unforgiving, shocks, dilemma, just crazyness in general… crazyness stuff that was not suppose to happen in the life of a 20 year old. i just had enough of it… no more crazy stuff!

i guess.. life is just a fragile show, you just need to cope with everything that suddenly happened to happened. and you might not even know, that today might be your last show… but regardless how fragile it is, we’re not the one that’s in control. so, just live as life itself as it is…

幸福, 真的是你吗?

Thursday, May 15th, 2008

感觉自己好奇怪。。。怎么会为了一些没必要的事情烦恼, 而惹上满身的伤痕, 然后再怪他。。。现在想起觉得好可爱,又好笑,又好气,真是那自己没办法。。。雨过,不就天晴了嘛。。。 干嘛我都一直躲在雨伞底下。。。

前阵子,还一直在想。。。 为什么你都漠不关心!? 什么都不说?而一直在猜,我在你心中到底是什么!?感觉自己有好多好多问题想问你。。 当没听到你的消息时,就开始担心到底发生了什么事。。。 当你没回我信息时, 就开始想,你真的有那么忙吗? 不过当我开始慢慢认识你时, 才发现到, 你不说, 是因为你不去想, 想让我们自然发展,你没回我的信息,是因为你真的有那么忙!

但,当我这几天开始认识你时, 才发现到和感受到你那没说出口的爱。。。 现在,不管是买早餐给你,或是看看你以前寄给我的信息,我都觉得很幸福。 因为你,让我感觉到那幸福。。。

爱,真的是给那你爱的人毁了你的生命,而相信他不会。。。

谢谢你啊, 亲爱的瑞斯。。。 =D

Happy mother’s day

Sunday, May 11th, 2008

Happy mothers day to every mom… =)

it has been hard for me these years without her. i thought that i have gotten over with her, covering myself up with work, studies, friends, but.. realising that i still have that wound bleeding inside of me.. just hurts more.. my aunt told me that i would never get over with her.. coz she is whom she is to me. and that will be the forever fact that i would have to live with.. i always denies the fact that i will not miss her anymore, and i’ll move on with me life.. am i really? why do i still call that number that wont ring anymore? why do i even pray to God, just to tell her i miss her.. am i really going to be ok? everytime i set myself into these depression.. i wondered if i would ever be saved.. at all? will someone save me….? will someone take that pain inside of me away… im really tired…

today is a special day, mothers day.. seeing everyone eagerly call their moms, wishing them happy mothers day, saying, i love u mom, makes me.. felt envy and bitter at the same time. i could still remember the last time i said i love u to her, was the time i was going back to miri to study and i have known that she was sick.. it was like.. somewhat.. 3 years ago? but it doesn really matter how long ago it was.. i really wished that i could say those words to her again, i know im asking too much.. but i really really wish even if it happens in my dreams.. i’ll be happy enough.. i would really give up everything that i have now just to see her for once more.. even my life.. just once more, once more to see her, i’ll be happy….

but in times of depression, i really thank God for sending me little angels to held onto me, not letting go of my hands eventhough im slipping myself away bit by bit… do u guys ever believe that we are angels among ourselves? it is by holding tight onto each other’s hand that we could see where the help is coming from, and who is our real angel. alex, thanks alot bro! i will always keep the promise i made to ya. and dun worry, i will outrun u in customer wise next time.. :D

esther

medium…

Monday, May 5th, 2008

i have left 15 minutes before class and i really hope i can use this time to completely cry out loud.. being together with you has been the most wonderful thing that happened to me. previously i was still struggling issues between us, and now as that issue has been resolved, i am yet encountering another issue.. why cant love be more simpler?… i really hope you could hear how my heart cries sometimes.. there are just so many thoughts i wanted to share with u… but i dont know where to start.. or even open it up to u… i really need ur help…

beans…

yes yes and yes..

Friday, May 2nd, 2008

Just came back from work, realise that I have not been updating my blog lately, so here i am people. but i think its no longer necessary as the rumour itself is faster than my announcements.. LOL.. yes i am with him now. with u with u with u… nothing has been so clear to me until then. realising how much i wanted to be with you. nothing has been so clear at all… i was being a little foolish as i was thinking too narrow and too much before then. why would i become so stupid.. he has showned his affection in another way, just that i didn realised it. and now everyday i found something new and interesting about him. and everything that he does everyday surprises me. on certain things, you have touched deep into my heart. how i wish i could be forever touched just being with you… =) *hugz* *muacks!*