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快疯了。。我到底在干嘛。。 为什么那么想念你。。。 都怪你! 为什么你一直跑进我的思绪里! 你到底想怎样! 我。。。真的真的很想念你。。。 虽然今天下午我们才刚在一起，不过当你没在我身边时，我顿时非常非常想念你。。 想知道你在干嘛。。 在那里。。 我。。。 有没有很常出现在你的思绪里。。。 顿时发现非常需要你。。。 怎么办?

ARH! I was just browsing at the photos of the adventure world, and *smack!* realising that winter is here already. Time has really passed so quickly, so quietly that I dun even noticed it. had some great times, bad times, moody times, surprising times and too! unpredictable times. but still, happy 1 month anniversary beans.. =)

did i tell you guys that my housemates were away for 10 days last 2 weeks? Yea.. they were away for 10 days, and those 10 days was the greatest week ever =D Rhys came by and stayed to keep me company not for 10 days but at least a week. felt so safe and secure with him around, coz i know he’d look after me. remembered there was a nite where i was alone at home, and on the phone with him, he literally scared me with "the killer"! in the house story. I got really really scared, cried, hang up the phone and went to bed. and guess what? out of my surprise 15 minutes later, he rock up with a hammer to my place. I was so touched! never would i have guessed that he would drive all the way to my place at 12 midnight just to keep me company and safe. i was really really touched =) well, through out the whole no-housemates-around week, good times and bad times happened, but overall it was enjoyable with friends around.

following week - I had missed him so much during the time he went home for a couple of days. felt really awkward and lonely. but after a talk with lily realise that i should live up my space as he did, have fun, chill out with friends adn just go with whatever i wanted to do. on the day he came back to perth, i had my phone charged and switched off, i wasn working at both sides, forgot to tell him, but i left a message for him telling him to rest at home when he got back to perth. but no….. someone just couldn be bothered to read the message at all…! LOL.. so when he came back to perth, he went to my work place to look for me, i wasn there, tried to call me but just couldn get connected, so, he just rock up to my place. I was pretty surprised to see him that time. it was really my 1st time that i felt that he had hugged me so tight. i tell him i missed him, and so does he. hang out a little bit at my place and we went up to rockingham to meet up with his friends. i got introduced to some of his best friends, Hollie, Jo, Jo’s gf and russell. we hang out a little bit, went for Maccus, baskin robin’s chill out at skype’s place, and thereafter crashed at his place for the night. it was literally that night that i realised that he had cared for me and loved me more than i have for him. i was always the upfront ones, but he is the ones with most concerns. i was really happy tho.. =D through out these few days, i can literally felt his love, his care even though he always like to keep things down and to himself. remembered when i got really cold the other nite at skype’s place, and he pretended to get something from the car, instead, he got his jumper out for me just to keep me safe and warm. i was really touched as i would have never expected him to do that. coz he dun always like to put his concerns upfront adn etc, but it doesn matter at all, says who love has to always be upfront? i like the way he is, just coz he is rhys! =D

ESTHER!!!!! STOP IT!!!! IM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU INSIDE!!!! SHE IS GONE!!!! GONE!!! G-O-N-E, GONE!!!!! STOP CRYING!!! THERE IS NO POINT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE! WHY ARE U LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!! DUN! DUN START!

i beg of you… please move on.. it really hurts inside.. it really does.. im really afraid i cant take it anymore longer.. please esther.. please move on… there are much more things in life than to let it ruin it.. please… dear Lord, please save me…….

cries from the innerself