memories part 2
i reckon i have never really felt this way about anyone before and becoz of that reason, it made me feel like i wanted to treasure him as much as i can, keep us together even if it means tearing me apart. very stupid? yes.. it is. love is definitely blind. and indirectly made us fools =)
still remember the times where my housemates are away for about 1 week, it was literally the greatest week i have had so far. remembered on the 1st nite, he came over, we had a little bit of chat, i’d promised i’d cook him some dinner coz he was sick, but i end up finishing up the dinner for him =.= watch some tv, and it was sweet. i think i’ve blogged this before, but there is this nite, where he didn came, coz he had work, so he called after work, i was home alone, and he literally scared me with “the killer” in the house joke.. NOT FUNNY! and i cried, hung up the phone, and hide inside my bed. 15 minutes later, he rock up to my place with a hammer. i was literally in tear, touched and melted.. i pretended to be pissed and told him that not to scare me with that joke! and he just hugged me. he stayed for the nite just to keep me safe. through out the end of the week, things got a bit.. rough, as i was pissed for some stupid reasons taht i should be. and made him upset.. im sorry beans.. i always tot that he never wanted to spend time with me, and always and always wanted to spend time with his friends. just on that thought, i realise taht during the 10days, he spend 1 week with me. isnt that enough? why am i asking so much from him? it would have been fair that i let him spend just 1 day with his friends. realised that, appologised to him, and everything was fine. as the days goes by, i learn of him more everyday. knowing the food that he likes, dislikes, the books that he reads, the authors, his habit, and etc. i always tot that i had love him more than he loved me, and that im trying to understand him more than he understood me. but today, i could say taht he loved me more than anything else. the things he did for me, was.. unconditional. i think i would never find anyone that could love as true as he did. i know the fact that he is not a hand holding person, he has really long legs, he walks quite fast, but at times when we are alone, he just literally wants me to be there with him,holding my hand, my waist, and he would wait for me at the front when he knows that he is walking a little too fast. his words, his smile, his every move, literally meant something for me. =)
Probably i put too much concern on him, that sometimes when he is quiet, i’ll start to wonder why? why? why? and try very hard to cheer him up, but end up annoying him.. LOL..! but what can i do? he grew up without any siblings, i grew up with a bunch of siblings and a bunch of cousins around. it would have been unusual that i became quiet one day. but i guess its normal that he is quiet at times.
still remember when the time that he went back to his parent’s house, i missed him alot. but i know that he would be beated when he comes back to perth, as its a 3 hour drive, i text and told him to rest at home and i’ll see him the next day. but i reckon he just ignored the msg. i had my phone shut to be charged up, and forgot to tell him that i wasn working on that day… so, he went to my work place, realised that i wasn working, tried to call me and couldn get to me, and so he just rock up to my place, and bang on my door. for that split second, i tot it was some bugglers, and was so afraid. but as soon as i heard his voice, i quickly opened up the door, touched, gave him a big hug. it was then i felt that he had hugged me so tight. i told him i missed him so much, and so does he. it was that nite, that he bought me all the way up to meet his best friends, hollie, joe, joe’s gf sky. we went down and have a bit of scroll at rockingham and crashed at his place for the nite. i realised that nite, that it wasn just me that missed him that much. he had missed me alot too. i was really really touched. there after, we tried to make frequent visit to his friends at rockingham. just so he could always keep in touch with joe and hollie.
i never know how to read his body language. coz im dumb. but he always look through me, as if he had known me for the rest of my life. everytime when i got a bit emo, he would tried to cheer me up, at least dun let me be alone for the nite. suddenly realised that we had alot of good memories together rather than angry or sad memories. but i often got angry and upset myself coz i always focus too much to the flaws and not the good things around me.
dear beans, thank you so much for the things u did for me. I really appreciate it alot. i still remember u asking me once why do i always like to take photos. well, i wanted to remember and keep the memories of the good things that we had together and focus on the happiness within. once someone did something bad, it is always easily be remembered, and evolved into the seed of anger. but never can anyone keep any good things that their loved ones did and maintain it into a happy tree that lasted forever. i just hope that everytime when i am upset, i’ll remember and read this blog about the good things u have done for me. i guess taht is why i always tot that i wasn really good enough for u. after watching the joy luck club, i realise that there is no one that is ever good enough for anyone. becoz no one is every perfect. realised that i shouldn undervalued myself, as how much i worth, and whether do i deserve u or not, depends on me. but regardless of anything else, i wanted so much to tell out to the world, RHYS, THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR UR LOVE! I LOVE U BEANS! =)
