>.

Gary told me this the other day, when i asked him how do u define if she or he is the one?

"in a crowded room, where u are standing at one corner of the room and the other half is stand on the other side of corner of the room. With the distance in between, you can just look him out from the crowd, and know exactly what they are thinking"

tonite, wasn able to sleep. it has always been like that. so i tot, i should just, blog… since i have not been blogging for a long time.. i reckon i should really do this blog just as a reminder for me.

remembered 26th April, we got lost going back from teh city after karaoke. wasn quite sure he did it on purpose or did he really got us lost.. we were driving almost for an hour, wasn able to find any way out, until we reach the high road. crash at his place, and it was really taht nite, he asked me, and i said yes and kissed him. =) went to HJ the next day adn gave alex a visit. i reckon it was that time that he had figured out… LOL

missed the bubble tea place.. i guess it was the place that gave us the beginning. literally fell in love with orginal milk tea with sago and lychee jelly. it is our favourite and will always be our old time bubble tea. there after will scroll around at the park near Curtin, and tehn scroll back here again. remembered the time when we scrolled at the park, he literally was trying to make me take the medicine.  so mean! and i chuck teh medicine away LOL.. and he got pissed… realised that he care for me, wants me to recover as soon as possible. hm… i guess the pills are working now. i’l continue the rest some other day.. gettin ready to bed.. working tmr.. nitez!

快疯了。。我到底在干嘛。。 为什么那么想念你。。。 都怪你! 为什么你一直跑进我的思绪里! 你到底想怎样! 我。。。真的真的很想念你。。。 虽然今天下午我们才刚在一起，不过当你没在我身边时，我顿时非常非常想念你。。 想知道你在干嘛。。 在那里。。 我。。。 有没有很常出现在你的思绪里。。。 顿时发现非常需要你。。。 怎么办?

ARH! I was just browsing at the photos of the adventure world, and *smack!* realising that winter is here already. Time has really passed so quickly, so quietly that I dun even noticed it. had some great times, bad times, moody times, surprising times and too! unpredictable times. but still, happy 1 month anniversary beans.. =)

did i tell you guys that my housemates were away for 10 days last 2 weeks? Yea.. they were away for 10 days, and those 10 days was the greatest week ever =D Rhys came by and stayed to keep me company not for 10 days but at least a week. felt so safe and secure with him around, coz i know he’d look after me. remembered there was a nite where i was alone at home, and on the phone with him, he literally scared me with "the killer"! in the house story. I got really really scared, cried, hang up the phone and went to bed. and guess what? out of my surprise 15 minutes later, he rock up with a hammer to my place. I was so touched! never would i have guessed that he would drive all the way to my place at 12 midnight just to keep me company and safe. i was really really touched =) well, through out the whole no-housemates-around week, good times and bad times happened, but overall it was enjoyable with friends around.

following week - I had missed him so much during the time he went home for a couple of days. felt really awkward and lonely. but after a talk with lily realise that i should live up my space as he did, have fun, chill out with friends adn just go with whatever i wanted to do. on the day he came back to perth, i had my phone charged and switched off, i wasn working at both sides, forgot to tell him, but i left a message for him telling him to rest at home when he got back to perth. but no….. someone just couldn be bothered to read the message at all…! LOL.. so when he came back to perth, he went to my work place to look for me, i wasn there, tried to call me but just couldn get connected, so, he just rock up to my place. I was pretty surprised to see him that time. it was really my 1st time that i felt that he had hugged me so tight. i tell him i missed him, and so does he. hang out a little bit at my place and we went up to rockingham to meet up with his friends. i got introduced to some of his best friends, Hollie, Jo, Jo’s gf and russell. we hang out a little bit, went for Maccus, baskin robin’s chill out at skype’s place, and thereafter crashed at his place for the night. it was literally that night that i realised that he had cared for me and loved me more than i have for him. i was always the upfront ones, but he is the ones with most concerns. i was really happy tho.. =D through out these few days, i can literally felt his love, his care even though he always like to keep things down and to himself. remembered when i got really cold the other nite at skype’s place, and he pretended to get something from the car, instead, he got his jumper out for me just to keep me safe and warm. i was really touched as i would have never expected him to do that. coz he dun always like to put his concerns upfront adn etc, but it doesn matter at all, says who love has to always be upfront? i like the way he is, just coz he is rhys! =D

ESTHER!!!!! STOP IT!!!! IM SICK AND TIRED OF YOU INSIDE!!!! SHE IS GONE!!!! GONE!!! G-O-N-E, GONE!!!!! STOP CRYING!!! THERE IS NO POINT TO EVEN THINK ABOUT IT ANYMORE! WHY ARE U LIKE THIS ALL THE TIME!!!! DUN! DUN START!

i beg of you… please move on.. it really hurts inside.. it really does.. im really afraid i cant take it anymore longer.. please esther.. please move on… there are much more things in life than to let it ruin it.. please… dear Lord, please save me…….

cries from the innerself

ok, i reckon blogging once a day is normal compared to those that blog twice a day (caren, LOL!) well, i guess there are just somethings that we really wanted to tell, but there is no way of how to start it out! u said, gals are complicated, well, GUYS are DUMB!!! why do u guys have to make us say everything out loud?! and plus, even when we say what we thought out loud, u still call us complicated! what is wrong with u?!?!?

ok, am i frustrated? YES! am i angry? no! am i annoyed? got use to it. all these because of what? YOU!!! of coz i am frustrated! u promised me the day before that we are going to hang out, and u just suddenly changed without telling me anything! i purposely took a day off just to spend more time with u! u know my intentions, but still! u pushed it away. how would u feel if i do the same to u?! and when i say im not going to get days off anymore to spend more time with u, u said its unfair! what the HELL!!!! do u wanttt!!!

Sigh! yes, rhys is a bit annoying… it was plainly a nice movie watching nite, and he just spoiled the mood away. how would anyone sleep well with an unpleasant mood? but at the end, we talked things out in the morning, and i know, eventhough how annoying he could be sometimes, he still loves me dearly.

so, after we had that long chat, woke up, clean up, made some macaronni cheese (yes, his favourite) and some garlic bread, watch some tv, and head off to uni. i reckon, it does not necessary have to be anywhere else that is fun, but as long as he is with me, i’m happy! =) *dumbo!!!*

wobbleage

28/05/08 definitely a day to remember.. is it good? no! we have caught a thief RED HANDED! *scary*!

as usual, woke up, catch a bus, went to work, went to Tandy’s to hang out, went to the bank to get more change, do a little bit of these, a little bit of that, everything was going really well. until! 3 teenagers, came around my shop, one of them distracted me to the front counter, pretending to ask a price of the 8gb flash drive. and suddenly, i just heard a loud ÖI! from John, and went totally shocked! and i realised that one of his friends try to sneak out one of my printers on the shelves. john went up to that boy, snatched the printer back, and said, what do u think u’re doing mate?! and he replied.. take it back man, take it back! and john grabbed his hand, look him in the eyes and said calmly to him, what do u think u’re doing? at the same time, the security ahmed came around pattrolling, and john called up to him and told him that the boy was trying to run my printer! ahmed caught him tight, they were struggling to the front counter, i was still in shock, john gave my printer back, and i pointed out to the kid that was talking to me and told ahmed that "He’s with him!"ahmed caught hold of them 2, but he manage to get away at the end, pushing ahmed at the same time, and trying to hit him. then other securities came by, put a hold on the boy that steal my printer in front of my shop! i called the police, and while waiting for the police to come, they have got some details of the kid. i was in shocked, scared, almost wanted to cry, and its a lucky thing alex came by, keep me company. i texted rhys, and he called back, i was literally in a messed, frightened, jsut totally went blank! after the police came, they arrested the boy, and alex took me out for my lunch break and bought me a chocolate pudding to cheer me up, thanks bees! the boy was constantly applogising to me, saying that how sorry he was, and how bad he felt, and jsut saying sorry the whole time. and i told ahmed, this is such a big embarrassment and disgrace… he agreed, but said that it is embarrassing to him of coz. but i told ahmed that i felt really ashamed and embarrassed, coz of the fact that he, is AN ASIAN! and i told him, ASIANS! will never steal! or if they do, we are the least percentage that steal! becoz in perth, it is always the aboriginals that steals! and he! jsut literally made a disgrace to our whole race! even Gary said it to one of his chinese customers, that why would an asian wanna steal, its just a disgrace! and his customer went out, looked at that boy, and came back and told Gary, he’s not asian at all. how frustrated and embarrassing it is, to hear ur own race denying u! and that boy told us the reason taht he steal, was trying to impress his friends, and wanted to hang out with him. me adn ahmed straightly called him a dickhead! brainless dickhead! or if not, he’s got rocks in his brain. if his friends were really friends, they would not encourage him to steal! and if he really wanted to be friends with them, he should have stopped them from stealing when they have the thoughts of doing such disgusting act! if his friend is gettin him into trouble for his own pleasure, does him even fit to called as a friend?! if u want something get some money to buy it, prove to people taht u are capable of getting things urself! thats what we called COOL! if u dun have any money, GET A JOB! EARN SOME MONEY! apparently alex was pretty impress of the work of a security, and asked if they need any specialties to get a job in the field of security. instantly i told alex, im proud of you man! he has literally set an example for the boy!

i just cant believe it that above everyone else, he has to be the one that steal the printers from me, and somemore! AN ASIAN! oh God.. haiz.. i was in trauma the whole day, nite, even after i went home… then after talking to rhys on teh phone, he cheered me up, and i do felt a little better after.

Ha… i just cant believe what has happened to my life constantly! as i told caren about the whole thing, i even asked her.. why! why! i want a sooth sailing life for at least 1 week, i’ll be happy! but why things just have to costantly pop up!! and all these shit just happens to me!!!!! whyyyyyy!!!!!! i know that good things and bad things happens in life just to give each other a balance.. but.. not all the time!!! haiz.. the one thing i could think of right now, is to hope that these will stopped for just one sec! and the boy are really sorry for what he did!

anyways, cheers for listenning, and before i go, i’d like to post a BIG BIG THANK YOU! to John, Gary, Alex, Ahmed, Sarah, Jo and rhys for being there for me. Thank you so much guys! especially John and Alex, thanks alot guys! im so glad i have u guys with me! =D

cheers
Esther

=.= exam in half an hour’s time, and im still blogging.. is this just a typical esther thing that i always do or is this paranoid… either ways, i dun really wanna know. all i can think of now, is sleep…

i tried to blog few times ago but its either i didn finish up the blog or something turned up at the wrong time. this week has been great, housemates were away for 10 days *YAY!!!* dun have to see them or the annoying vacumm at 6 in the morning for farking 10 whole days! how excited it is!! but at the same time, it really gives me the creeps as im home alone for 10 days… i know its great that i dun have to see them for that 10 whole days, but being home alone for that 10 days.. really is creepy.. realising that i have no one at home to talk to, have to keep the doors shut and lock and double checked locked, always have to be aware of any sound (and i mean just ANY!) noise that are coming from the neighbourhood, etc etc.. well, above all these, im glad that rhys came around to keep me company. at least i know i have someone to talk to, and im not alone! speaking about rhys, yes, he is doing fine. oh beans, i would now know what i’d do without you. *hugz!*

there are quite alot of things happening just these few days ago, struggling to breath in between the dissastrous work, studies, and just common living a life! 2 of my good friends just got dismissed from work, which really makes me sad. one of them was my best friend, and not to hide anything from it, i am emotionally influenced. things are not exactly simple as it seems. and to my surprise, i realised that i have let lose a little awareness as compared previously. now on, i have to keep a high level of awareness regardless to whom i am encountering. i am really tired..

Just then i cried to him about everything.. it has really been a while ever since i could cry to everyone emotionally. i do need a break. at least to calm myself down from all these dissasters. plus, with exam drawing so near, i would have to slap myself so hard to remind myself to study, and just forget about everything temporary. but in anyhow, everything has been really good throughout the whole week, as i know he is there when i needed him… =D

ps. the cheesecake turned out really well! i was happy about it, rhys enjoyed it, caren was angry about it, coz im making her fat. LOL!
felt really happy when i get to share the good things i have with those i love.

- beans -

i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u i miss u I LOVE U!

these days have been good, nothing biggy happened lately, if there is anything as big, it’d probably be me dropping the glass door TWICE! in a week! ACCIDENTALLY! well, it wasnt much of a big deal though, shouldn blame me for the accident, i blame Jo and Ben! XD (HAHA!) apparently they are the ones that are always complaining that i am not doing any work in that little box, should do some cleaning… the shelves are FILTHY!!! LOOK AT THE DUST!!! ah… SHIKES! so i did a little bit of cleaning here and there, wipe the shelves, mirror and BANG! there goes the glass door.. and the only thing that sarah could say was, ‘omg you crazy gal, what have u done!…’ and funnily, i replied her, ‘cleaning… =.=’ with a blank look… i was very very shocked! and surprised that the glass door didn break! i seriously thought that if that glass door break, i would have gotten my arse kicked so bad that i’d cry in front of the customers. but it didnt LOL… well then, after that incident, i swear.. im never going to open that damn door again! NEVER!!! NO JO! N-E-V-E-R!!! NEVER!!!

last nite was good working at gelare. hadn got much customers, but it wasn that quiet either. i reckon itd probably be the weather that is causing so much of a waffle feeding rush hour… KC screwed up the drinks, jou screwed some of the orders up (LOL!!!) rhys and trav came visit =D too bad caren wasnt there… =( gave rhys a whole big bottle of honey drink that i made, hope that it’ll make him feel better =) i know that he felt warmth that there is someone caring for him, but he still felt that sense of pai seh coz he thinks that its troubling me.. well, its not! apart from being his gf, taking care of each other is what important. plus.. i didn want him to be the one taking care of me all the time when i was sick, let things turn the other way round is good sometimes. so, finished work at around 1030, didn have to do closing (YAY!), came back home at around 11 (geezzzz……), listening to KC shitting about shits around, took a bath, rhys called, talked a while (awe…. =D *hugz!*), then caren called while i was half asleep, talked for more, then straightly dozed off. this morning, woke up, thought about rhys a while, then thought about all sucky things that happened in the past, im really glad that i have him. it’s this things about gals that we can never get rid off.. we think too much! seriously! dun u agree with me caren? or anyone else? just then, i was still thinking, am i a boring gf? im actually not much of a fan of doing something extaordinary or exciting everyday, or wanted myself to get shocked everyday of my own acts. at the moment, i just hope that life would go on smoothly, not entirely smooth, i’d probably need to kick some stones away, but really hoped that life just goes on with no biggy at all.. i reckon i just had too much waves previously, to the extent that i wish i was never esther. filled up with too many tears, anger, shattered hearts, unforgiving, shocks, dilemma, just crazyness in general… crazyness stuff that was not suppose to happen in the life of a 20 year old. i just had enough of it… no more crazy stuff!

i guess.. life is just a fragile show, you just need to cope with everything that suddenly happened to happened. and you might not even know, that today might be your last show… but regardless how fragile it is, we’re not the one that’s in control. so, just live as life itself as it is…